| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ||
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
Soneta
(M Balfas
1922)
Aku minta jangan kau tanya
Apa yang telah terjadi
Di suatu malam gembira,
Bulan yang berangkat besar pada kaca
Sebesar bola, adalah saksi
Aku hanya alpa
Tapi kalau kau mau dakwa aku juga
Aku cuma bisa berkata:
Aku bukan itu batu
Bisa keras selalu
Dan kalau mau kalungkan juga itu rantai
Giringlah aku ke pos polisi terdekat
Tapi jangan bilang sama siapa-siapa
Engkau kepadaku masih berbapa
M. Balfas (1922)
There is this funny French guy who can rap and entertain with his personal ( i guess) point of view in French's culture-accent-etc. I think he is interesting (specially if i understand French better, luckily i have someone pour le traduction) alors; here are the link to 2 of my favorite videos of him.
Je suis blanc ( I m white)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gV5rsO2u_o
Marly-Goumont
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPJ-xRaw2l8---he is not from Panam (Paris) --mais le beat est bon!!!--but the beat is good ;) ---unofficial transltion
Of course you can see two of them on my friendster profile ...ENJOY!
It is not as easy as my first i am sure. My first Ramadan here was filled with three roommates who fast as well as some of my classmates. There are plenty invitations for iftar and i went a lot to the Moroccan shop to buy halal meat or chicken because it is next to my friend's place.
This Ramadan i get to spend a time with a Dutch lady (sound like a milk brand or something) and her two fat cats at her small home. Our rooms are next to each other hence i will have to keep it very very quite, thus, impossible sahur. Today, when she got home, she offered me a cup of tea and me (as a stupid polite girl who mostly forget about things so quick--particularly hunger and thirst--and don't have the guts to hurt other people by rejecting their sincere and lovely offer) of course said "Yes, I'd love to" with my sweetest voice. So there i was walking calmly to the kitchen with no guilty feeling whatsoever, toasting some bread for use to eat and picking which kind of cheese will i enjoy ( i chose cheddar though) and waited for her to boiled the water and fetched the tea pot along with two cute little tea cup.
Then BOOM!!! I realize, just after the table is prepared and there i sat comfortably in front of my cute little tea cup with a sketch of a black cat dancing on it, I AM FASTING!!!!!!!!!!!
Then i try to stay my cool and said to myself, "Think Fati....Think. Really.Hard"...so there i was again, still smiling, putting away my cup and pretending that since the first time i stepped my foot at the kitchen floor today, i didn't prepare the tea and the bread for me, but only for her. After realizing that i was just sitting there folding my arms and smile, she started to question me. Then i politely answered her, i am fasting, She was a bit surprise then the first question led to another conversations. Such as: what is my religion, do i practice my religion (apparently even thought you have a religion doesn't mean you are practicing such thing.....hmm...and i thought why should we have a religion if we never think to practice it????...i guess there are more type of people in this world right now than i used to know), do i have boyfriend, do my boyfriend have a religion, and concluded with a nice sentence "Well, as long as you are happy with it". Exactly....
Now of course, being such a thinker i am, my mind wandered. There you go.That sentence made me think. "As long as i am happy". However i am sure there are plenty of people out there who are not happy but they do have a religion. People who thinks that their religion will only make them suffered by, for example, not allowing them to be a true human and follow our real nature. To have sex without the obligations comes along with it (such as to be married in advance),to eat whenever your hungry---remember Ramadan???---...and so on and so forth). No matter how they think about the sacrifice they've made and will make for their religion, they are still happy. That is why, in my own individual yet humble opinion, the question about religion is deeply personal. You cant just have a light-only-in-the-surface kind of conversation when you are talking about it. It will lead you to some deeper thoughts that even greater and bigger, the question that are trapped inside our head. Like believing the theory of evolution---so who is Adam and Eve????---But even though i believe in evolution doesn't mean i don't believe in Adam and Eve...right? (who is with me here??). Why should my mind make sense anyway????It is not for people to judge. Not you and you and not you as well!!!!
Now i am being totally out of focus. Ok, try to get back to my perspective here.
I just came home from a Taraweh with some friends. Ow,by the way, I have missed Taraweh in Jama'ah so much, this is the first Taraweh in Jama'ah this month. (Taraweh is a prayer that you do only in Ramadan and Jama'ah means do it together with some other Muslim(s)). Anyway, I just realize that even thought i am practicing my religion, doesn't mean i am a holy person. And somehow i believe i am not the only one (since we are only human which build to make mistake :D), am i???? So what makes YOU think you are better than any other Muslim???a Muslim is a Muslim, so everywhere is the same. From the beginner to the advance (if you think you are an advance then think again....i believe as a Muslim we should NEVER claim ourselves as an advance Muslim since it is not in our hand to judge that, am i right or what????).
See....i was just about going to share my silly and unimportant experience about my second Ramadan here, and i ended up talking bull about religion and my opinion, as if it count????????
Ok, i will stop thinking and improving my French, at least there is some better thing for me to do, c'est vrais ptit bb???? Oublie pas: La reponse : "Oui Chef, Oui" :)...bisous!!
What is it with human and time? What is it with time and
procrastination? Why people tend to delay the things that should be done? Why
if we can foresee the worse case will happen still we say to ourselves we can
make it but don’t do anything to make it well? Why cant we differentiate in
what was important, what is important, and what will be important????
I would say that I just have the most complicating phase of
my life. I have to make so many BIG decisions and those are the tough-kind one.
Even though I foresee the trouble ahead still I (not-forgive) forget about what
has happened. It seems like telling myself that this is right while the fact it
isn’t, and its not like I don’t know the fact. It is so obvious but it is
hidden inside my compassion. It is hidden inside my ‘love’ (or at least what I called
love).
Maybe someday they will appear and un-veil and my conscious will
tell me what is right. Whether to let the truth hidden or maybe the truth isn’t
the truth at all. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know (will mentioning it
three time will turn the phrase into a mantra?).
Everything starts with the intention. Every little thing I’ve done or do or will do
should always reflect my intentions. But sometimes I let my life leads me, and
tell me exactly what is the intention. The intention that somehow there inside
my soul but, again, hidden and kept safely until they are clearly aware of
themselves.
I don’t think I am making any sense but, I just want to make sure that my feelings right now (this-not-important-being-rejected-low-self-esteem-not-the-priority-to-someone-who-has-become-mine (not you Daddy :)) are delivered. So they won’t leave any stain in my mind and I can go to sleep soundly :).
"The court administration works at a snail's pace except when it comes to starting the trial when everything goes into top gear," Karim Khan, Proceeding of Charles Taylor, SCSL, 4 June 2007.
Well arent we all?
I used to have a one night stand with math and physics during highschool and also subjects in college such as family law 101, administrative law, and so on. It is amazing how can the next day become well run and eveything feels like i have prepared for this moment forvere! (while i havent).
But anyway a one night stand as such is not so dangerous i suppose. Just try to not make it such a habit anyway :)
Ces deux mois sont
très occupés pour moi. Well actually
it is more than these two months. Since 20th of April I guess, I haven’t
wrote much in my blog, while that is one of the way out from the super
frustrating life I had. But anyway, I feel like writing today. So..
First topic, about how
well is French culture. Well at least I think it is a well dish J hehe…As they say (who are they????)…In heaven, the cook id French and
the engineer is German and in Hell the cook is German and the banker is Italian
(and of course the engineer is French)…what is that mean? Don’t ask!
I love French cuisine.
I have always been gladly surprised by the divergence of food and beverages
from the kitchen, but anyway i feel awkward at the same time. Using utensil I haven’t
been comfort with or even see before (but mostly I just don’t use them so
often, such as knife and fork…hey, spoon is the best gadget related to rice and
I eat rice!). Well anyway, I love it. The country side is amazing too. I can
never imagine how everything can be so moderate and interesting (as intriguing
as it seems!!!) at the same time.
Je ne parle pas français
beaucoup et c’est de ma faut. Alors l’inconfortable est seulement de ma faut. D’accord !
Mais Il est toujours m’aide pour ma confortable. Alors bb, j’aime beaucoup tout !
Caen, Amiens, Bayeux, Lisieux, et cetera et ceteraJ. Tout bb ! J’espère que je parle français
mieux, mais c’est moi bb, je suis désoléeJ. Mais merci beaucoup et très désolée pour
ton portable !!! ok ?
Alors, le
prochaine sujet. J’ai arrivée de Maastricht et parce que j’ai un bonne journée.
J’ai te dire tout, non ? J et alors..je vais parler anglais, c’est
mieux, est-ce que tu penses ? hehehe….moi, je le pense !!
Alors….
I would also like to
talk about Charles Taylor. Ok, not particularly about him (as in personally) but
I think it is interesting subject since, I don’t know how it is, but it leads
me to another topic which is international law and its existence and also the
role of a mother and how it is unthinkable for me to ever leave my children out
of my sight!!!...it is so weird but anyway i was talking all day today with more
wise people and I think …what the hell am I doing here?????maybe it is not a
good idea after all to educate the women!!!!! Ok that is so stupid I know…but I
t certainly think it is a much better idea to leave everything relates to the
nursery of your children to yourself, and that requires being not selfish and
not being to ambitious about my dreams and that means not being ambitious about
my work and that mean maybe ….i should never start working anyway!!! Which
leads us more backwards to a fact that I am working for something that maybe
not exist (hey if Charles Taylor can be tried because of –lets make it simple-
killing people then what happen about Iraqi people? Should the murderer be
punished? Hell what? CT was a president in Liberia
Maybe I should just
live and shut the fuck up…????maybe?????and forget about the shit I just said
and start to live J
Mom…Dad..I love u both
(not equally for sure…hey I wont lie!!!!!and I cant change the fact, it is
something that grows with me, I cant control my feelings…or can i?well anyway)…
Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright
But it hurts when I think, when I let it sink in
It’s all over me
i'm lying here in the dark
watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
[Bridge]
And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
nothing else,you know I give you all of me
[Chorus]
I give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I want make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come on do it right
All I wanted was to know i'm safe
Don’t wanna lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don’t let me down
It’s not fair, how you are
I can’t be complete, can you give me more
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love for me
We can’t escape the love
With everything that you have
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
The weather is nice today (correction, it was nice for like..5 hours..pfht). Not a nice and warm, but it is warmer than days before. Yesterday i was relaxed and nervoused at the same time. I have realized I will be alone in the end. It takes long time for me to realize that. So sad!! Considering I am a 24 years old girl with a massive experience in love life--not trying to be sarcastic--(at least compare to the time when I was a teenager).
I need to stop taking and receiving something from others. I need to start giving. I wan to give joy, happiness, warm, and gentle feelings that are rarely been given lately. I wan to spread to the world that even though the sadness is here with us, we are still the same person at the time when they are gone.
I wanto smile so the whole world could see it. I wanto let them know that I am here to stay. I wan to let them know that they can count on me. I want to make a difference by concern about others.
zipp....rewind....fast forward
In the next couple of hours I will be bored and walking to the copier then to the coffee vending machine, and thinking, what on earth I was thinking? The world is just full of bunch of human called PEOPLE Human are the cruellest creature that have ever been invented.
But among thos cruellest being, there are some who are devastated and ignored, Those are the creatures I need to take care of. Those are the part of human population that need me. Those are where my attention should go. Herewith I put an oath to myself; I will do the best I can, for them.
Recent Comments